What are your “vacuum and banana” lies?

banana, close, up, yellow, green, several, bananas

If you’ve heard my vacuum or banana stories, you’ve been lied to. Outright and on purpose.


But I’m trying to make up for it by bringing to light my two favorite lies that help me seem more cool, funny, and interesting than I actually am. These lies may seem simple and silly to you, but I’ve told them to almost everyone I know, and I don’t even think my husband knows these stories are total lies.

Needless to say, I’m nervous.

Here goes…

My vacuum lie

The lie: My naughty older cousin told me that vacuums suck up everything they touch and then he chased me around with the vacuum as I ran around, terrified for my life. Because of this, whenever I vacuumed as a little girl, there would always be dirty spots a few inches away from the couch and my bed because I never got too close in fear the vacuum would suck them up.

The truth: Actually, nothing about this story is true. I heard someone else tell this story about their own childhood, liked it, and adopted it as my own. I’ve never been afraid of vacuums. And honestly, I’m pretty sure I didn’t even use a vacuum until well into middle school (sorry, Mom).

My banana lie

The lie: That same naughty older cousin told me when I was little that the pulpy strings on bananas that dangle around after peeling the outside off are poisonous. Same with the white stuff on the outside of peeled oranges. So, to this day I still cannot eat a banana or orange until every last piece of pulpy string or white stuff is removed from said banana or orange.

The truth: I’m just OCD about peeling every single little string off of my bananas before I eat them. They taste bad and it grosses me out to think about chewing them. Same with oranges. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, which is probably why I made up a story about being victimized by my naughty older cousin (who doesn’t even exist, btw) to make it seem less weird as an adult when I’m still peeling white stuff off my fruit and everyone else was done eating 5 minutes ago.

The burial

Do you have any “vacuum and banana” lies you’ve relied on to bolster your ego? You’re not alone.

Almost everyone wants to seem cooler and more interesting than we think we are, and exaggerating (or totally fabricating) what actually happened is a common tactic.

My “vacuum and banana” lies gave me cheap laughs from almost everyone I know, they were an easy way to stroke my ego, and a quick fall-back when I need a story to tell in a dying conversation.

But it is time for us to bury them for good.

Why? What’s so bad about harmless little lies?

Because we are already cool and funny and interesting and smart enough.

That’s right – you are already enough.

Let me say it again:





Already smart enough, funny enough, interesting enough – enough of any characteristic you wish to embody. You are enough.

It is a catch 22: When you really embrace how innately “enough” you are, you don’t need your “vacuum and banana” lies to help you be any better. But in order to really embrace how innately “enough” you are, you need to stop believing that you need paper thin stories to make you seem like you’re “enough.”

If you’re ready to take the next step toward truly feeling like you are enough, join in with me and give your “vacuum and banana” lies a proper burial:

Thank you, vacuum and banana lies, for giving my ego that extra boost it needed. You were a trusty steed; always available and reliable.

But you’ve served your purpose. You’ve helped me realize there is a part of me that hasn’t accepted that I am already enough. And even though I may not fully accept that yet, I will never feel like I am enough if I keep relying on your false and temporary ego boost.

Thank you for everything you’ve done, but it is time for you to rest in peace and for me to be on my way.

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